BIG TALK

NIGERIA a place where women are bullied into getting married. Ask me why I said that, guess you are really very curious. Well in Nigeria people around you make your decisions for you without you knowing it because they make it seem like it's your idea.Take for instance, it's a popular belief in Nigeria that when you're of certain age as a woman you should be married regardless of if you're emotionally or even literally ready for it. When you are 18 and you have a boyfriend in Nigeria your parents are against it and do everything possible to stop the relationship forgetting everything is a process. Tell me how possible it is for you to graduate from the university with a good grade without going through the process. Trust me even if you cheated or the exams wasn't written by you, you still passed through the process cause you still had to move from one level to the other. Now as an 18 year old girl you know left from right and trust me as Nigerians we know way more than we ought to know at that age. For you to now tell her not to have a boy friend means you're telling her she's not responsible or she can't make good decisions for herself . At this age I for one think all she needs is guidance else she will try to do it behind your back just to prove you wrong. What you  need do for her is be her friend and guide her through life by telling her life experiences and letting her see right from wrong. Imagine giving your child sex education, telling her about the danger of being with the opposite sex but not telling her about the fun part, I know you must be saying 'is she crazy', well, am not. I feel it's better to be truthful with our kids when it comes to sex- This is what I mean, when you tell your child why it's not good to have sex at a tender age tell them that -"sex is sweet but it's best enjoyed when you're older and with the right person, the reason am saying this to you is because when you're of age you can recognize the right person to have it with without having any regret and having it with the right person at the right time is the fun part. Any guy you're dating feels like the right  person but do you know the right person and the only person worthy is that guy that loves you enough to go on his kneels to propose to you and take you to the alter, imagine yourself sharing that moment with him, you will never stop talking about it forever and he will forever cherish that moment, anytime he remembers he will worship you and never want to leave you. Now imagine yourself having given yourself to a guy you didn't end up with, he's with another person just as you are with another"( well I prefer this to the usually line of sex is not good). My reason is this, at this age all we want is to have fun and for a mother to tell her child the danger in having sex and not tell her the fun stuffs is foolish because she will go out there, get the information you omitted on her own and misinterpret it. The guy tells her what you didn't and even encourages her to try just to show her the fun in it, she tries it and she's like wow this is nice then she's like mum or aunt or dad is a liar she must have lied about the other things. This is just one of the mistakes we make in Nigeria and some other parts of the world. When she's in the university you keep saying study hard forget about boys for now, really? When their are so many cute boys around giving her attention and she's already feeling the heat. When she graduates and she gets a job you jump at her that she isn't getting any younger so she should think of settling down, wow, the same girl who doesn't know much about relationship is expected to get married. Of cause she will meet a guy she believes is cool and nice and get married, but don't judge her if things doesn't go well and she gets a divorce or she stays married and she's not happy. Now this is common in Nigeria , most of those who stay married are the ones who are scared of the stigmatization  that comes with divorce. Trust me, most married women are not happy. They might not accept it, but deep inside them they know am right. A lady who doesn't know much about boys is expected to be a fulfilled woman in marriage based on the training she got from home, come on, apart from teaching her how to take care of the house did you teach her how to take care of her man? Did you teach her what to say to him when he's not feeling the relationship or how to spice up her relationship, let's not forget she doesn't have much experience in that area and they are both young they do not have the patience of teaching each other . See everything in life is a process, you cant have a degree without waiting for the number of years you're suppose to wait for so also you can't be happy in a marriage if you know nothing about relationships.
The next type of lady, is the one who is a graduate between age 27-35and has been in different relationships but for some reasons not married . This might be due to the mistakes her parents made while bringing her up in the sense that she might not know how to keep a man probably because she wants to jump from no experience with relationships to having a serious relationship and we all know men don't like the "I want a serious relationship" type of lady, they always want things to move gradually else they feel rushed.Trust me, the idea behind having experience in relationships is not just for sex but to also discover yourself. In every relationship you learn different things, you know the similarities and difference between different men which will help shape you into choosing the right one for you. See, you can't know the difference between eba, amala and semolina until you have a taste of it , just like the Yoruba proverb which says " we can never know if a soup is sweet till we taste it" which brings us to the fact that looks can be deceptive. Let's go back to the main issue, so at this age she's being pressurized by everyone around her to settle down, her parents her friends her colleagues and lets just say the society as a whole will bully her, telling her age is not on her side and no matter how strong she is she will eventually succumb and go for the next available  guy, trust me , she just made the biggest mistake of her life. At this stage the problems are too many to be put in here , it goes on and on, from being bullied by her husband, to being beaten, to not being allowed to do the type of job she loves, to not being allowed to do what she loves to do at her spare time, to not being respected, to not getting sexual satisfaction and the list goes on. Please feel free to drop your comment.